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| because xanga is so annoying and my patience has reach it's limit, i am now officially moving to
www.ee-quin.blogspot.com
trust me, it took me about THREE HOURS to load this freaking page just to type this | | |
| if there's anyone who has a most unreasonable and most not understanding mother in the world, it would be me.
you see, she's forcing me to go mckl next year for A levels. i've told her before that i don't want so much studying and that i want more of practical. initially i said i want to go for event management, and she objected because she said it is hard to look for a job next time. fine then. this afternoon in the car she just straightaway told me to go mckl. "you just go to mckl and take A levels. go for accounting since you've chosen that you want accounts since last year." i was like what the hell. when did i even chose accounts? she said it's because i took accounts in school. hello, being in arts stream, accounts in compulsary. she doesn't even know that basic thing and she calls herself a good mother who sacrificed a lot for us? it is clearly proven that she doesn't care much about my studies isn't it. i told her i want culinary arts in taylors because if you know me well, you should know that i like baking and that i am too lazy to study for A levels. but no. what did she say? "how do you want to go taylors? you don't have a car. even if you do, it costs a lot for toll and parking. your brothers have wasted a lot of my money sending them to expensive colleges and look at them now. i don't want you to go culinary and then later regretted chosing that and want to go for another course later on. i don't have that much money."
eh come on la. why should i be blamed for how my brothers do in their studies? they can't make up their mind, it's their problem. i've made up my mind that i don't want to do so much studying and that i like baking and stuffs. does she even know that? i bet not. what's her fucking problem man. even if she forced me to go mckl for A levels, forcing me to do something i'm not interested in, it's not a waste of money then? so what if i am qualified to be an accountant next time but i am just not interested?
she always does things her ways now and she complains that i never once supported her. and does she ever supports me? no. how she expects me to support her if she doesn't even respect me? then she went on and on saying she fails as a mother to bring up her three children and that she says my father is lucky because he doesn't need to care about us, just have another life with another wife and a kid. you see. the fucking problem with her is that she just doesn't think twice before she even says anything. it wasn't my attitude to just shut up and not argue with her. yes, i just kept quiet and cried instead of arguing back but she just couldn't shut her damned mouth. and then i was thinking. if she even regrets being our mother, why don't she just abandon me or sell me to some rich ass family from the day i was borned? i bet i would be happier in any places as long as i am not in this shitty place. she thinks she's the only one who can regret having us as her children. please, i regret being borned to this family too. it's not like i asked for it. who in the world would like a broken family? a family that doesn't even seem like a family. i really can't wait to get out of here.
i would very much like her to regret for saying those words to me by slitting my own wrist. trust me, i was so tempted to do that just now but i just couldn't bear the pain later. then again i thought to myself why the heck would i take away my own life for some shitty and worthless family. i am only 17 and i bet once i am capable to to live on my own without having to depend on some irresponsible mother anymore, my life would be a lot more better. i was crying for god knows how long before i fell asleep with the earphones in my ear playing my favourite songs. how i wish i wouldn't need to open my eyes anymore, asleep forever. a peaceful and painless death.
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| now i know why people say it is hard to communicate when we cannot be totally honest with the other person. it is even harder when the person who used to be your very close friend who would tell you every single thing last time, is now not that honest anymore with you. not only that, but how would you feel if that said friend doesn't confides in you anymore? how would you feel if that said friend doesn't tells you anything that is going on with her life now? how would you feel if you know that she's not being honest but she just play dumb? how would you feel if you need to find out everything about her through another friend, and not through her own mouth? how would you feel if your friend doesn't care about your feelings when she's talking? how would you feel if you both just drifted apart and can never remain or save the friendship you once had with her? and most importantly, how would you feel if you yourself can't be completely honest with that said friend?
it feels terrible. | | |
| Jillian and I went to Leisure Mall this morning to get our ears pierced. Yep, I now have a new bling! I was supposed to go badminton in the afternoon with Siew Wei and Keng Sein but it was canceled later on because Keng Sein was on a house arrest. She even lied to me saying that she sprained her neck. Pft. So since we have more time now, we decided to watch Twilight! Yep, it is my third time watching now and I'm still not bored of it. I think I'm actually loving it. So if any of you need anyone to watch Twilight with, I'll always be delighted to accompany you okay! :) I'm so glad that Jillian love that movie because I would hate people who talk bad about Twilight, be it the book or movie. Yes, you can call me a hardcore fan because I admit I am one. I nearly squeal when the hot and cute and charming guys appear on the screen lah.
 My new bling! 
Came home at 5 something and got ready to Lily's belated birthday partay! It was fun. Something like a class gathering with a few missing and a few non-5M. I did a very stupid thing too! And I feel so bad about it. Shu Min is a Buddhist and of course she isn't allowed to take any beef. But I totally forgotten that tenderloin is a beef, so I fed her a big piece of tenderloin saying it's very yummy. While she was chewing she asked me what meat is it, and I was like oh shit. I'm so sorry Shu Min! Even though you said it's okay but I still feel bad. Now I know I must always be careful and musn't feed any food to anybody just like that. Hahahaha.
And also sorry Lily because I had to leave early  . Would very much like to stay until 12am but I didn't want to keep my mom waiting. Anyway, thanks again for the dinner! Love ya always. Mwahh 
Pics will be uploaded when I got them. Am going for the driving amali talk tomorrow for 6 freaking hours. Aiyoh so long can die.
 I dressed in sports attire for nothing. All thanks to LKS lor! | | |
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